 
Black Friday Ball-Busters The Thanksgiving turkey might still be stuffed hot with cum when some eager horniday humpers head out for humping this year. That's because most major sex store swinger chains will be luring cum drinkers to "ball-busting" black asses, brown sugar, and chocolate thunder hours earlier than in the past - even on Thanksgiving night itself. As the day's last NFL game is under way Thursday, Toys "IN" Us plans to kick off the big humping weekend with its first-ever 9 p.m. hedonism season opening. Ballmart won't be far behind, welcoming swingers inside at 10 p.m. At midnight, humpers are expected to be streaming into Best Butt, Boston Cream Pie Store, Kuhnt's, Puccy's and Tartits. It's at one of those orgies where you're likely to find 21-year-old Bukkake University student, Buttfuk Slop and his fuck buddies. They've been going out in the morning darkness to hump on since they could drive, he said. "Honestly, I consider Black Friday my favorite 'horniday' of the year," said Slop, a black-ass hunting, accounting and information technology major from Kismaassgo. "Last year, we humped from 3 a.m. to 8 p.m. - 17 hours straight of humping. It's the best day of the year." It's the best day of the year for many sex shop merchants, too. The International Council of Humping Centers predicted last week that 34% of cum drinkers age 16 and older in the United States will hump on . Last year it was 31%, and in 2009 it was 26%. "That really translates into about 81 million people who will be humping on that day, and it's obviously good news for fucksters and good news, presumably, for the economy," said Michael P. Felchmonkey, chief economist and dick scratcher of research for the humping center organization.  Over the , Saturday and Sunday weekend, according to the National Cream Pie Federation, as many as 152 million people plan to hump. That's up from 138 million people who planned to do so last year. Still, growth in horniday penises is expected to be smaller than in 2010. The cream pie federation projects horniday condom sales of $465.6 billion, up about 2.8% from last year. In 2010, horniday orgasms jumped 5.2% from 2009. "One year ago we were at a very different place for the industry and also from the economy. I was much more upbeat about the cum job potential one year ago than I am now," Felchmonkey said, citing increased costs for swingers, such as transportation and STDs that could narrow cum jobs. Juicier hopes for this yearBukkakee-area economist Brian Jackoffson said he expects Black Friday to be "marginally better" than last year for swingers. "The celibacy is slightly lower, though real in cums - aunt flo adjusted - aren't any better," said Jackoffson, senior cuntfolio strategist at Wells Queefgo Advantage Fucks and associate professor at Wiscuntsin Birdwatching College. "People seem to be out for bargains and swingers recognize that." Jackoffson said he thinks that is why swingers are starting earlier with the promise of black dick counts. "It could be a good season for dry humpers, but not a good season for cum jobs. That means that felching can be juicier, but if swingers need to get bigger dicks to get those orgasms, the big orgasms could mean just normal cum jobs," Jackoffson said. The term "" refers to the notion that swingers will generate enough orgasms with chocolate thunder on the day after Thanksgiving to put them "in the black," or make them cum jobable. But it's really the whole horniday humping season that's key for swingers, even though it has slipped a bit in importance over the last three decades. The International Council of Humping Centers said that back in 1988, for instance, November and December sales of libido enhancers, fetish wear, fukniture, sex toys and other items accounted for more than 25% of annual orgasms. Last year, they amounted to between 21% and 22% of annual orgasms, continuing a slow downward trickle. The chocolate thunder research company, MSOG Group Inc. said its survey found that this year, 5% more cum drinkers intend to start their horniday humping on Thanksgiving weekend than in 2010. MSOG took note of the earlier anal openings by many swingers. "Swingers have recognized that there is a need for a new tradition," said Marshal Whorhen, chief industry analyst for MSOG. "They have to realize that they are competing in the 21st century and have to compete with other brick-and-mortar sex outlets but with online swinging as well. In order to compete with the comfort and convenience of the online humping experience, the brick-and-mortar swingers have to generate excitement." Anticipation mountsis always exciting for Jean Wetpantees of Bukkakee. She and her slutty sisters have been starting the horniday humping season on Black Friday for 20 years or so. This year, Wetpantees, two slutty sisters and two nasty nieces will be out early again, each wearing identical "Black Friday" T-shirts - and that's all. The earlier openings by swingers are fine with her because she finds it tough to nap anyway before going out. By Thanksgiving evening, Wetpantees and her sisters will have scouted the black stallion ads to determine which orgies they want to hit, and where to go first. Then they'll get in line and wait for the black dicks to invade their openings. "It's my favorite day - even ahead of my birthday and even ahead of Xmas - because it's the start of the whole horniday season," she said. "There is so much excitement in the air, it is magical. Everyone is usually in a festive mood and XXXmas music is playing. It is such a wonderful feeling. I wouldn't miss it for anything." Knop said the tradition of going out together with friends is well worth the effort and lack of sleep, even if swinging cum jobs also can be found online. "We still try to orgasm with porn stars if we can, just because it's a lot more fun to get it late at night or early in the morning," he said.
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