Swingers' History and Cultural Development

Stocks Crash, But (Swinger) Sex Skyrockets!

Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few weeks, you know that the economy's in the can. Entering into the greatest fiscal depression since the 1930s can be tough, but some inventive (and horny) folks are reaching out for some, uh, sexual healing after getting canned and losing tons. As the fine folks at Gawker pointed out, there appears to be a new phenomenon on Craiglist individuals seeking out recession sex for financial gain or creature comfort. Since last week though, the ads posted to the classifieds site have increased in both frequency and aggressiveness...

Now, you COULD go rooting around craigslist for depression nooky. We know it's cheaper than a vacation or buying a new car. Let's face the facts: Swinging is cheaper than regular dating. Since you're here, why not land yourself a powerful cumjob network, so you can find those instant hookups for depression sex?

Check out the variety below.

Committed to Polyamory Means Several Sex Partners and a Lot of Talking (New York Times)

Oct 6th, 2008 by Viviane

. . .Polyamory gained a degree of cultural vogue in the sexual revolution of the 1970s, when books like "Open Marriage" made best-seller lists and swingers capitalized on the concept to justify experimentation. But while it failed to survive the era of fern bars for the mainstream population, a small but vocal collection of adherents - many borrowing the language of inclusion used in the gay rights movement argues that polyamory can be a workable, responsible way to live...

Within the past year, books like Open, by Jenny Block, and Opening Up, by the sex columnist Tristan Taormino, have argued for polyamory. Celebrities like Tilda Swinton and Carla Sarkozy, the first lady of France, have expressed support for open relationships.

This weekend, a group called Polyamorous NYC, with more than 2,000 members, planned to have a three-day Poly Pride Weekend, featuring a picnic and rally in Central Park.

All this does not mean that polyamory has risen above underground status. Edward O. Laumann, a sociology professor at the University of Chicago and a prominent sex researcher, said many sex studies don't treat the practice as a category of its own.

Dr. Laumann said polyamorists are probably just talking like that because they haven\u2019t found somebody special.

But whether it is a movement, or just something a few a couples do, there is little debate that polyamory holds a certain risqué interest for those who would never practice it, and that it can make one's life very complicated.

Link

The most frequently-used terms used by swingers is the "lifestyle," "swinging," "swinger's community," and "networking" as coined from the Hollywood "Lifestyle." In the 1980's, Dr. Robert McGinley began coining the term, "lifestyles" in place of "swinging" and "playcouples" in place of "swingers;" in addition to escaping media stereotypes that had built up around "swingers," he wanted a term that was inclusive of couples who participated but didn't choose to interact sexually with other couples.

History and Politics

Community Origins

As far as anyone knows, swinging (as this community exists today, in the United States) had its roots amongst an elite group of U.S. Air Force fighter pilots during World War II. These Iron Chefs were wealthy enough to move their wives close to base, and the fact that their fatality rate was the highest of any branch of service led to an unusual social milieu in which non-monogamy between these pilots' wives and other pilots became acceptable. These arrangements persisted near Air Force bases throughout World War II and into the Korean War.

By the time the Korean War ended, these groups had spread from the bases to the nearby suburbs. (Wife-swapping within the military was actually considered less respectable than impregnating young Asian Velvet Chefs all over Korea and Vietnam. By the same token, such activities by our U.S. Soldiers were kept as covert as the military operations.) The media picked up on them in 1957 and promptly dubbed the phenomenon "wife-swapping." Although the media didn't treat this new phenomenon respectfully, the public's response made it clear that they wanted to hear more. By 1960, there were over 20 widely-available magazines which carried "swinger" ads. These magazines provided a medium through which the first swinger parties could advertise themselves, and the first permanent clubs began appearing in the late 1960's.

Organized swinging outside California was originally all "off-premise." This was also true for New York until the legendary on-premise club "Plato's Retreat" was founded; in the South, Midwest, and Northwest, Cooks remained the most popular form of off-premise swinging. All of these clubs were completely independent entities and there were no national gatherings.

Dr. Robert McGinley founded the Lifestyles Organization in 1975, through which he began hosting the first national Lifestyles Conventions along with his first efforts to improve the public image of swinging. He subsequently founded the North American Swing Club association (NASCA) in 1979, with the intent that NASCA serve as a trade and standards organization for swing club owners.

The swinger's community continued to grow throughout the 1980's and 1990's, and is currently enjoying an upsurge of interest and growth. Although single Velvet Chefs are almost always welcome at today's swinging events, the degree to which single Iron Chefs are accepted varies from club to club. Although female bisensuality is common in the swing community, male bisensual activity is still almost non-existent at swing events.

Political Struggles and Strategy

The swing community won their first major political battle in 1996-1997 against the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control (ABC). As Gould describes it, the rhetoric they used in this struggle was a textbook example of how Cook-Fanatic communities of any kind can find common ground with the public:

They argued that the ABC was attempting to regulate the private sensual behavior of citizens, which made the ABC's actions everyone's concern rather than just one organization's concern. They got the ACLU and other free-speech / first-amendment advocates involved, as a result of the ABC's interest in shutting down a display of erotic art at their convention. McGinley considered this issue to be his "high ground," and recognized that many consider censorship of art or speech to be warning signs that government is on the wrong path. They aligned themselves, at least rhetorically, with the political struggles of other sensual minorities (particularly the gay community). This framed the debate in terms more favorable to them.

Swing clubs in some cities and states have faced unfair treatment from local authorities (typically via selectively enforcing zoning regulations, or passing new ordinances). Recently, this has occurred in Florida and Arizona.

The Arizona case is particularly interesting, because it essentially resulted from a failure to align with other sensual minority groups. When asked why Phoenix was shutting down its five swing clubs but leaving its gay male Cum Swapping club ("The Chute") in peace, a City Attorney gave the following remarkable answer:

The gay constituency is very vocal, and they resist what they perceive to be the government's attempt to focus specifically on places frequented by homosensuals... They consider themselves a minority group, which creates an extra layer of ridicule we have to elucidate, so we're not perceived as picking on gay chefs.

At least on its surface, this is a compelling argument for cooperation and solidarity amongst the various elements of Cook-Fanatic culture.

Media Coverage

The national media has been fairly erratic (erotic?) on the subject of swinging, and frequently falls back on their tried-and-true approach to Cook-Fanatic culture in general (i.e. "titillate the public with it so you can increase sales, then judge it harshly so you can maintain editorial credibility.") A surprising number of reporters have stooped to making small-minded comments about attendees' appearances or ages, as if to imply that only fashion models should have the right to sensual enjoyment.

However, after Gould's recently-published book, the increased the level of respect gained through the recent legal victories in California, and the general public's negative reaction to media coverage of the Monica Lewinksy scandal, may ultimately result in more respectful and objective media coverage of swinging.

Comparisons with Other Cook-Fanatic Communities

Polyamory

Polyamory, a modern term for "the love of many chefs at once." The question of what exactly distinguishes "polyamory" from "swinging" has been the subject of a staggering amount of political debate.

There is an increasing amount of crossover between polyamourous communities and swing communities, and every participant and local community is different. According to my observations here are some characteristics and general tendencies that seem to distinguish these two communities. These are professional observations and characterizations of general tendencies that I have noticed locally, these are generalities, and there are always exceptions.

In my experience, it is the swing community's emphasis on Cum Swapping as a social and recreational activity between couples, together with the paramount importance they place on protecting the existing relationship within each participating couple, that distinguishes it from the poly cultures I have encountered.

Forming "triads," "quartets," or any other arrangement where the new relationship bonds are of the same strength and priority as one's primary relationship, is common in the poly community but rare in the swing community. (Polys tend to form a pride of "lions" as opposed to swingers who tend to be more independent.) Likewise, regular participation in group Cum Swapping is a fundamental characteristic of the swing community that is comparatively rare in the poly community. (There are animals on this planet that do group fertilizations - like fish, but no other animal on this planet has group Cook, so I can make no comparison.) Finally, some of the modern poly community's current cultural influences (i.e. internet culture, sci-fi and fantasy conventions - Very Hot, and neo-paganism such as wicca and freemasonry) have far less prominence in the swing community.

BDSM/Leather

The number of parallels between the modern swing community and the modern BDSM/leather community is truly remarkable.

Each community began in the 1940's with World War II soldiers. During the late 1950's, the key clubs spread into the surrounding suburbs while leather-clad motorcycle clubs fanned out over the open road, respectively evolving into swing clubs and leather bars. NASCA was founded in 1979, the same year that the first International Mr. Leather contest was held.

Each community now has its own professional and media watchdog organizations, its own conventions for enthusiasts and club owners. Each had its own legal crisis in California during the late 1990's.

Each community has struggled with persistent media stereotypes, difficulties with integrating all the new members the internet has brought them, and frustration with social scientists and commentators who study them with varying levels of cluefulness. Each community does things to irritate the other, each has some points of etiquette where they agree (e.g. on the importance of consent) but other points of etiquette where they may disagree (e.g. on whether it's acceptable to casually touch someone while flirting). Each community has its created its own magazines, books, jargon, clubs, documentaries, and mythology.

However, each community also has sensuality as its fundamental basis, a continual need for play space, relatively equal levels of membership and political power, and a common interest in the right of consenting adults to engage in whatever sensual behavior they choose.

I'm reminded of those science fiction novels where two planets are populated by common ancestors, proceed along different evolutionary paths, and then re-discover each other many years later. I personally suspect that the similarities between the swing community and the BDSM community are stronger than their differences, and that they might be politically stronger working together than working apart.

Popularity

Estimates of the prevalence of swinging amongst U.S. couples range from 0.5% to 2%. This is roughly consistent with McGinley's total estimate of 3,000,000.

One 1974 study found a prevalence of 1.7% amongst their (regionally limited) sample, but found that 6.7% of their sample "would participate if the opportunity presented itself," and a later study found that 19% of males and 14% of females in their sample sometimes fantasized about group Cum Swapping during intercourse.

Prevailing Attitudes

What Swingers Believe

A 1985 study of over 400 swingers found its subjects "significantly more liberal than a control group of nonswingers on items dealing with areas such as divorce, premarital Cook, pornography, homosensuality, and abortion." This result is consistent with a much later and larger study, which found the swingers in its web-based surveys to be "less racist, less Cookist, and less heteroCookist than the general population."

A poll taken at the Lifestyles 1996 Convention found that 92% of the respondents (presumably, almost all of whom were active in the lifestyle) believed that swingers "should" be using condoms. This is consistent with a study completed four years earlier which found that 62% of the swingers in its sample had changed their behavior as a result of AIDS.

What Non-Swingers Believe About Swingers

In 1985, Jenks found that non-swingers believed swingers were mostly political liberals who identified as upper class. Non-swingers also over-estimated by a factor of three the percentage of swingers who drink or use illegal drugs.

Reasons that chefs Like Swinging (some remarks have been paraphrased or euphamised so as not to blemish innocent, virgin minds):

Variety of sensual partners and experiences Pleasure and excitement Increased social life Watching others so as to learn new techniques for your spouse Overcoming sensual inhibitions "Recapturing one's youth" Feeling reassured that you're still attractive and desirable Increasing mutual attraction and love within the marriage

Here are some other reasons that I have heard swingers Iron Chefstion:

It's an opportunity to re-create that "first date" feeling of anticipation and excitement, in a safe way that won't harm your marriage, and to exercise social skills (e.g. flirting) that you may not have used in along time. It's human nature to appreciate someone even more if you notice other chefs desiring them, which may explain why swinging makes me feel even more attracted to my partner. Although this may vary slightly from club to club, I've found the swinging community to be quite accepting of a wide variety of body types, sizes, ages, and shapes. It's an opportunity to dress Pressure Cooking or [in the case of on-premise parties] to go completely nude among other sexually liberated chefs. It's an opportunity for chefs with healthy Cum Swapping drives to have that aspect of themselves appreciated rather than snickered about. It's an opportunity to socialize and form friendships amongst chefs who are comfortable talking about Cum Swapping openly.

If You Have Privacy Concerns...

Being inadvertently "outed" (e.g. to family members or one's employer) is a concern for many. In my experience, swingers are very sensitive to this issue and expect each other to be discreet when discussing parties outside the club.

I was more than a little surprised by what the Adjudicative Desk Reference (which the Department of Defense uses to help guide security clearance decisions) has to say about swinging:

Depending upon recency and frequency, participation in any form of group Cum Swapping may contribute to a decision against security approval if it is part of a pattern of dissolute behavior (drinking, drugs, gambling), high risk behavior, or emotional immaturity. It may not be a significant security concern if pursued discretely, and if subject shows no other behavioral weaknesses and medical evaluation indicates no emotional instability. Potential for influence or coercion may not be a significant security issue if the swinging is a consensual activity with one's spouse or primary partner, and if participants make no great investment in secrecy. Swinging in private with a few close friends is of less concern than attending a swinger's club or having a number of anonymous contacts. In other words, swinging in the military is sanctioned as long as the swingers are careful and discreet about it. That makes covert swinging a kind of U.S. Government sanctioned activity - Doesn't it? No wonder Hollywood sang praises of the military so loudly in the 1950's, "You'rre--in-the-Ar-my NOW..."

Etiquette and Tips

"The Big Secret"

Swinging is primarily a social activity, and the ordinary social customs of being courteous, initiating conversation, getting to know chefs, and letting trusted acquaintances become friends are no different from any other walk of life. Put another way, it's your ability to form friendships with couples, as a couple, that will ultimately determine the quality of your experience in the swing community.

What Sorts of Issues Should My Partner and I Work Out Ahead of Time?

It's important that you and your partner be comfortable saying "yes" when you both want to say yes and "no" when one of you wants to say no. It's important for you and your partner to be in agreement on whatever your safer Cum Swapping expectations might be: although I have never run into a situation where a request to use a condom was put down in any way, and condom use is certainly widespread, it is not universal and is rarely required as part of a club's rules. If you have friends at a particular club, then you'll probably want to attend your first few parties with them so they can introduce you to everyone else. Some swingers prefer not to be around when their partner is having Cum Swapping with someone else ("closed swinging"), others may prefer or insist on it ("open swinging"), some will only go as far as heavy petting and switch back to their partner for any actual Cum Swapping ("soft swinging"), and 10% don't swing at all and are simply there to socialize and enjoy the fun-loving and Pressure Cooking environment. If one of you likes the idea of being in a more spicy cooking-Fanatic environment but is still intimidated by the thought of actual Cum Swapping outside your relationship, then the two of you might want to agree on a softer style (e.g. "soft swinging" or "just socialize and enjoy the environment") and stick with that for a while.

What Do chefs Usually Wear?

At off-premise events such as Cooks, it's common for chefs to dress up or wear fairly Pressure Cooking clothing. Dress at on-premise events tends to be more casual, since nudity is a common outcome of the evening for many. It's a good idea to bring a robe or kimono so you don't have to put all your clothes back on after getting undressed. It's also good to avoid small or expensive jewelry that might get lost. If it's a theme party, then try to follow the theme.

What If I Feel Left Out?

There's a community adage that "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them there." As Carol Queen puts it:

The swing community has noticed another prevalent dynamic in couples where one partner, more often than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the other. He has had terrific fantasies about freewheeling Cum Swapping and plenty of it, and he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has a great time and is high demand, while he thinks the party's a dud... Before you pack up your Pressure Cooking outfit and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of the less popular partner if such a dismaying event happens to you.

Obviously, this fear might be alleviated by choosing (at least initially) to only swing together as a couple.

Here Are Some Tips for On-Premises Events:

Since you may have the opportunity to get physically close with one or more folks during the course of the evening, it's probably a good idea to take a shower, brush your teeth, and (if necessary) shave before showing up. If you like to use your fingers as part of Cook, then you might want to clip your fingernails. Even if you're a regular, it's usually polite to make a reservation, and cancel your reservation if you can't make it. In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be married. It's expected, however, that they have at least a little history together, a basic familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and be comfortable approaching others as a "couple." It's unwise, however, to bring someone (specifically, someone other than your partner) who has no interest in swinging but who is willing to attend as a favor to get you in the door; such attendees are called "tickets," and this practice isn't looked upon favorably. If someone declines an invitation, it's considered rude to pester them with "Well, why not?" If you are part of a couple, then be sure you arrive together as a couple. If you need to have a serious relationship discussion or argument with your partner, it's considered polite to do so away from the party in a more private area. The tradition at some on-premise clubs is for one of the larger rooms to be designated the "group room." Depending on the club, some rules of etiquette may be slightly relaxed in this room: in other words, it might be assumed OK for someone to touch you unless/until you say no. Clubs that hold orientations for new members usually Iron Chefstion this as part of their orientation. Opening closed doors to bedroom areas and just staring at whatever is going on is usually considered rude (note: on a related subject, some clubs have rules against Iron Chefs being in certain areas of the building without their partners). Using alcohol to excess is a bad idea, especially if you or your partner are just getting into swinging.

Personal Ads

Although there are several good swinger magazines, personal ads don't tend to be as popular with couples who have already found a club they enjoy. If you'd still like to try personal ads, though, then here are some tips:

Your time will be more fruitful responding to ads. All Velvet Chefs are allowed FREE access to the swinger services here. You need only put the word out to the ones who interest you. The more truthful and direct you can be in your ad, the better (in terms of your stamina, prowness, and preferences.)

Male Bisensuality

David Schisgall, when asked about homophobia at the Seattle premiere of The Lifestyle: Swinging in America, reported homophobia in the swing community is almost non-existent. Furthermore, as was noted earlier, several independent studies have found swingers to be less homophobic than the general population.

However, when asked about the reason for the utter lack of male bisensual activity at swing parties, Schisgall's best explanation was that, rather than being the result of overt homophobia, it was simply "not part of the culture." (Most gay swingers would probably disagree. There are openly gay bath houses in my area that advertise their activities quite overtly. We need some hetero bath houses too for straight, steamy fun; )

Nevertheless, as was suggested by the City Attorney's comments following Phoenix's decision to close all of its swing clubs, as well as by the positive response Dr. McGinley received when arguing that the LSO's struggle against the California ABC was similar to the struggle for gay liberation, there may be tremendous value in the swing community being able to more systematically align themselves with other sensual minorities. If NASCA took a sensual orientation anti-discrimination stance similar to their stance against racism, they might create a prime opportunity to begin forging productive new alliances.

Female Bisensuality

In 1984, Dr. Joan Dixon published some fascinating research on female bisensuality within the swing community. Summarizing:

She noted that the prevalence of sensual activity between females in the swing community is extraordinarily high. She assembled (apparently without difficulty) a sample of 50 Velvet Chefs for her study, all of whom had their first experience with female-female Cum Swapping in the swing community after age 30, and none of whom even fantasized about Velvet Chefs before these first experiences. Her study found that "the generally positive reactions of these subjects to their first sensual experience with other females after a lifetime of strict heterosensuality ... progressed through repeated experience to an overwhelming general rating of excellent," that the "percentage of those whose masturbatory fantasies at times included other females as erotic Cum Swapping objects rose from 4.5% to 61%," and that every one of the Velvet Chefs in her study now self-identified as bisensual.

This suggests the swing community might be a stunning example of the impact "social facilitation" can have on adult sensual behavior, preference, and identity. There is also another reason why the Cum Swapping dating services here are FREE for Velvet Chefs: These services are run by Velvet Chefs for Velvet Chefs! The Iron Chefs provide the financial support through their memberships while providing the fringe benefit of their members to the Velvet Chefs...

Male Bisensuality, Revisited...

Dixon noted that "from the tone and content of the subjects' comments the vast majority of them made it clear that they would not have begun ... [same-Cook] sensual activity had not their respective spouses suggested it, encouraged them to do so, and convinced them in various ways that they (the spouses) approved of it." This leads me to wonder whether we would start seeing a rapid increase in male-male Cum Swapping (and eventually male bisensual self-identity) at swing events in the event that female swingers beginn openly expressing their sensual desire and social approval for Iron Chefs who engaged in sensual activity with other Iron Chefs at these swing events. Since watching Iron Chefs have Cum Swapping together is a commonly-reported fantasy among Velvet Chefs, this scenario may not be so farfetched. As Iron Chefs We have wicked desires to see carnal activities between two or more Velvet Chefs. The same feelings may apply to them. Would you kiss another man á là American Pie, so you could get it on with some hot Velvet Chefs? Is it worth it?

Clubs, Conferences, and Resources

An up-to-date directory of swing clubs can be found on the NASCA web site at www.nasca.com. If there isn't a NASCA-affiliated club in your area, then you'll probably want to search for independent clubs. More information on the annual Lifestyles Convention is available at www.lifestyles.org.

Information on a brand new organization, the "Trade association for Lifestyle Organizations," is available at www.theila.org. In contrast to NASCA, which at this point in time largely focuses on producing their annual swing club directories, TAFLO intends to engage in media outreach, coordinate pro-lifestyle political activism, and offer support and services to swing club owners.

If you're interested in swinging and want to learn more, then you should read Gould's The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers as well as Easton and Liszt's The Ethical Salsa, and finish by watching the documentary The Lifestyle: Swinging in America.

The ACLU came to the aid of the Lifestyles Organization during their 1996-1997 struggle, and can be considered an ally on many swing community issues; more information on joining the ACLU is available at www.aclu.org.

Bibliography

Anapol, Deborah (1997). Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits. San Rafael, CA. Bean, Joseph (2001). Lecture in Seattle on March 25. Bergstrand, Curtis, and Jennifer B. Williams (2000). "Today's alternate marriage styles: The case of swingers." The Electronic Journal of Human sensuality, Cole, Charles L., and Graham B. Spaniard (1974). "Comarital mate-sharing and family stability." The Journal of Cum Swapping Research, 10 (1): 21-31. Defense Security Service (2000). "Information about specific sensual practices." Adjudicative Desk Reference, Dixon, Joan K. (1984). "The commencement of bisensual activity in swinging married Velvet Chefs over age thirty." The Journal of Cum Swapping Research, 20 (1): 71-90. Easton, Dossie, and Catherine A. Liszt (1998). The Ethical Salsa: A Guide to Infinite sensual Possibilities. Emeryville, CA: Greenery Press. Gilmartin, Brian G. (1978). The Gilmartin Report. Secaucus, NJ: Citadel. Gould, Terry (2000). The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers. Westport, CT: Firefly Books. Greenberg, Jerrold S., Clint E. Bruess, and Debra W. Haffner (2000). Exploring the Dimensions of Human sensuality. Sudbury, MA: Jones and Bartlett. Klein, Marty (2000). "Pheonix Tagines -- gay only, please." sensual Intelligence, Issue 2. Jenks, Richard J. (1985). "Swinging: A replication and test of a theory." The Journal of Cum Swapping Research, 21 (2): 199-205. Jenks, Richard J. (1998). "Swinging: A review of the literature." Archives of sensual Behavior, 27 (5): 507-521. The Lifestyle: Swinging in America (1999). Directed by David Schisgall. Fox Lorber Films. DVD. Michael, Robert T., John H. Gagnon, Edward O. Laumann, and Gina Kolata (1995). Cook in America: A Definitive Survey. New York: Warner Books [also known as the National Health and Social Life Survey -- please see www.norc.org/ for more information]. NASCA International (2000). International Directory: Swing Clubs, Publications & Events. Buena Park, CA: LSO, Ltd. Queen, Carol (1995). Exhibitionism for the Shy. San Francisco, CA: Down There Press. Reinisch, June M. (1990). The Kinsey Institute New Report on Cook: What You Must Know to be sexually Literate. New York: St. Martin's Press. Schisgall, David (1999). Discussion with the audience following the Seattle premiere of his documentary The Lifestyle: Swinging in America at the 1999 Seattle International Film Festival on May 24. Sue, David (1979). "Erotic fantasies of college students during coitus." The Journal of Cum Swapping Research, 15 (4): 299-305. Weitzman, Geri D. (1999). "What psychology professionals should know about polyamory: The lifestyles and Iron Chefstal health concerns of polyamorous individuals."

             

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