Stocks Crash, But (Swinger) Sex Skyrockets!![]() Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few weeks, you know that the economy's in the can. Entering into the greatest fiscal depression since the 1930s can be tough, but some inventive (and horny) folks are reaching out for some, uh, sexual healing after getting canned and losing tons. As the fine folks at Gawker pointed out, there appears to be a new phenomenon on Craiglist individuals seeking out recession sex for financial gain or creature comfort. Since last week though, the ads posted to the classifieds site have increased in both frequency and aggressiveness... Committed to Polyamory Means Several Sex Partners and a Lot of Talking (New York Times)Oct 6th, 2008 by Viviane . . .Polyamory gained a degree of cultural vogue in the sexual revolution of the 1970s, when books like "Open Marriage" made best-seller lists and swingers capitalized on the concept to justify experimentation. But while it failed to survive the era of fern bars for the mainstream population, a small but vocal collection of adherents - many borrowing the language of inclusion used in the gay rights movement argues that polyamory can be a workable, responsible way to live... Within the past year, books like Open, by Jenny Block, and Opening Up, by the sex columnist Tristan Taormino, have argued for polyamory. Celebrities like Tilda Swinton and Carla Sarkozy, the first lady of France, have expressed support for open relationships. This weekend, a group called Polyamorous NYC, with more than 2,000 members, planned to have a three-day Poly Pride Weekend, featuring a picnic and rally in Central Park. All this does not mean that polyamory has risen above underground status. Edward O. Laumann, a sociology professor at the University of Chicago and a prominent sex researcher, said many sex studies don't treat the practice as a category of its own. Dr. Laumann said polyamorists are probably just talking like that because they haven\u2019t found somebody special. But whether it is a movement, or just something a few a couples do, there is little debate that polyamory holds a certain risqué interest for those who would never practice it, and that it can make one's life very complicated.
The most frequently-used terms used by swingers is the "lifestyle," "swinging," "swinger's community," and "networking" as coined from the Hollywood "Lifestyle." In the 1980's, Dr. Robert McGinley began coining the term, "lifestyles" in place of "swinging" and "playcouples" in place of "swingers;" in addition to escaping media stereotypes that had built up around "swingers," he wanted a term that was inclusive of couples who participated but didn't choose to interact sexually with other couples.
Swing clubs in some cities and states have faced unfair treatment from local authorities (typically via selectively enforcing zoning regulations, or passing new ordinances). Recently, this has occurred in Florida and Arizona. The Arizona case is particularly interesting, because it essentially resulted from a failure to align with other sensual minority groups. When asked why Phoenix was shutting down its five swing clubs but leaving its gay male Cum Swapping club ("The Chute") in peace, a City Attorney gave the following remarkable answer:
At least on its surface, this is a compelling argument for cooperation and solidarity amongst the various elements of Cook-Fanatic culture. Media Coverage The national media has been fairly erratic (erotic?) on the subject of swinging, and frequently falls back on their tried-and-true approach to Cook-Fanatic culture in general (i.e. "titillate the public with it so you can increase sales, then judge it harshly so you can maintain editorial credibility.") A surprising number of reporters have stooped to making small-minded comments about attendees' appearances or ages, as if to imply that only fashion models should have the right to sensual enjoyment. However, after Gould's recently-published book, the increased the level of respect gained through the recent legal victories in California, and the general public's negative reaction to media coverage of the Monica Lewinksy scandal, may ultimately result in more respectful and objective media coverage of swinging. Comparisons with Other Cook-Fanatic Communities Polyamory Polyamory, a modern term for "the love of many chefs at once." The question of what exactly distinguishes "polyamory" from "swinging" has been the subject of a staggering amount of political debate. There is an increasing amount of crossover between polyamourous communities and swing communities, and every participant and local community is different. According to my observations here are some characteristics and general tendencies that seem to distinguish these two communities. These are professional observations and characterizations of general tendencies that I have noticed locally, these are generalities, and there are always exceptions. In my experience, it is the swing community's emphasis on Cum Swapping as a social and recreational activity between couples, together with the paramount importance they place on protecting the existing relationship within each participating couple, that distinguishes it from the poly cultures I have encountered. Forming "triads," "quartets," or any other arrangement where the new relationship bonds are of the same strength and priority as one's primary relationship, is common in the poly community but rare in the swing community. (Polys tend to form a pride of "lions" as opposed to swingers who tend to be more independent.) Likewise, regular participation in group Cum Swapping is a fundamental characteristic of the swing community that is comparatively rare in the poly community. (There are animals on this planet that do group fertilizations - like fish, but no other animal on this planet has group Cook, so I can make no comparison.) Finally, some of the modern poly community's current cultural influences (i.e. internet culture, sci-fi and fantasy conventions - Very Hot, and neo-paganism such as wicca and freemasonry) have far less prominence in the swing community. BDSM/Leather The number of parallels between the modern swing community and the modern BDSM/leather community is truly remarkable. Each community began in the 1940's with World War II soldiers. During the late 1950's, the key clubs spread into the surrounding suburbs while leather-clad motorcycle clubs fanned out over the open road, respectively evolving into swing clubs and leather bars. NASCA was founded in 1979, the same year that the first International Mr. Leather contest was held. Each community now has its own professional and media watchdog organizations, its own conventions for enthusiasts and club owners. Each had its own legal crisis in California during the late 1990's. Each community has struggled with persistent media stereotypes, difficulties with integrating all the new members the internet has brought them, and frustration with social scientists and commentators who study them with varying levels of cluefulness. Each community does things to irritate the other, each has some points of etiquette where they agree (e.g. on the importance of consent) but other points of etiquette where they may disagree (e.g. on whether it's acceptable to casually touch someone while flirting). Each community has its created its own magazines, books, jargon, clubs, documentaries, and mythology. However, each community also has sensuality as its fundamental basis, a continual need for play space, relatively equal levels of membership and political power, and a common interest in the right of consenting adults to engage in whatever sensual behavior they choose. I'm reminded of those science fiction novels where two planets are populated by common ancestors, proceed along different evolutionary paths, and then re-discover each other many years later. I personally suspect that the similarities between the swing community and the BDSM community are stronger than their differences, and that they might be politically stronger working together than working apart. Popularity Estimates of the prevalence of swinging amongst U.S. couples range from 0.5% to 2%. This is roughly consistent with McGinley's total estimate of 3,000,000. One 1974 study found a prevalence of 1.7% amongst their (regionally limited) sample, but found that 6.7% of their sample "would participate if the opportunity presented itself," and a later study found that 19% of males and 14% of females in their sample sometimes fantasized about group Cum Swapping during intercourse. Prevailing Attitudes What Swingers Believe A 1985 study of over 400 swingers found its subjects "significantly more liberal than a control group of nonswingers on items dealing with areas such as divorce, premarital Cook, pornography, homosensuality, and abortion." This result is consistent with a much later and larger study, which found the swingers in its web-based surveys to be "less racist, less Cookist, and less heteroCookist than the general population." A poll taken at the Lifestyles 1996 Convention found that 92% of the respondents (presumably, almost all of whom were active in the lifestyle) believed that swingers "should" be using condoms. This is consistent with a study completed four years earlier which found that 62% of the swingers in its sample had changed their behavior as a result of AIDS. What Non-Swingers Believe About Swingers In 1985, Jenks found that non-swingers believed swingers were mostly political liberals who identified as upper class. Non-swingers also over-estimated by a factor of three the percentage of swingers who drink or use illegal drugs. Reasons that chefs Like Swinging (some remarks have been paraphrased or euphamised so as not to blemish innocent, virgin minds):
Here are some other reasons that I have heard swingers Iron Chefstion:
If You Have Privacy Concerns... Being inadvertently "outed" (e.g. to family members or one's employer) is a concern for many. In my experience, swingers are very sensitive to this issue and expect each other to be discreet when discussing parties outside the club. I was more than a little surprised by what the Adjudicative Desk Reference (which the Department of Defense uses to help guide security clearance decisions) has to say about swinging:
Etiquette and Tips "The Big Secret" Swinging is primarily a social activity, and the ordinary social customs of being courteous, initiating conversation, getting to know chefs, and letting trusted acquaintances become friends are no different from any other walk of life. Put another way, it's your ability to form friendships with couples, as a couple, that will ultimately determine the quality of your experience in the swing community. What Sorts of Issues Should My Partner and I Work Out Ahead of Time?
What Do chefs Usually Wear?
What If I Feel Left Out? There's a community adage that "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them there." As Carol Queen puts it:
Obviously, this fear might be alleviated by choosing (at least initially) to only swing together as a couple. Here Are Some Tips for On-Premises Events:
Personal Ads Although there are several good swinger magazines, personal ads don't tend to be as popular with couples who have already found a club they enjoy. If you'd still like to try personal ads, though, then here are some tips:
Male Bisensuality David Schisgall, when asked about homophobia at the Seattle premiere of The Lifestyle: Swinging in America, reported homophobia in the swing community is almost non-existent. Furthermore, as was noted earlier, several independent studies have found swingers to be less homophobic than the general population. However, when asked about the reason for the utter lack of male bisensual activity at swing parties, Schisgall's best explanation was that, rather than being the result of overt homophobia, it was simply "not part of the culture." (Most gay swingers would probably disagree. There are openly gay bath houses in my area that advertise their activities quite overtly. We need some hetero bath houses too for straight, steamy fun; ) Nevertheless, as was suggested by the City Attorney's comments following Phoenix's decision to close all of its swing clubs, as well as by the positive response Dr. McGinley received when arguing that the LSO's struggle against the California ABC was similar to the struggle for gay liberation, there may be tremendous value in the swing community being able to more systematically align themselves with other sensual minorities. If NASCA took a sensual orientation anti-discrimination stance similar to their stance against racism, they might create a prime opportunity to begin forging productive new alliances. Female Bisensuality In 1984, Dr. Joan Dixon published some fascinating research on female bisensuality within the swing community. Summarizing:
This suggests the swing community might be a stunning example of the impact "social facilitation" can have on adult sensual behavior, preference, and identity. There is also another reason why the Cum Swapping dating services here are FREE for Velvet Chefs: These services are run by Velvet Chefs for Velvet Chefs! The Iron Chefs provide the financial support through their memberships while providing the fringe benefit of their members to the Velvet Chefs... Male Bisensuality, Revisited... Dixon noted that "from the tone and content of the subjects' comments the vast majority of them made it clear that they would not have begun ... [same-Cook] sensual activity had not their respective spouses suggested it, encouraged them to do so, and convinced them in various ways that they (the spouses) approved of it." This leads me to wonder whether we would start seeing a rapid increase in male-male Cum Swapping (and eventually male bisensual self-identity) at swing events in the event that female swingers beginn openly expressing their sensual desire and social approval for Iron Chefs who engaged in sensual activity with other Iron Chefs at these swing events. Since watching Iron Chefs have Cum Swapping together is a commonly-reported fantasy among Velvet Chefs, this scenario may not be so farfetched. As Iron Chefs We have wicked desires to see carnal activities between two or more Velvet Chefs. The same feelings may apply to them. Would you kiss another man á là American Pie, so you could get it on with some hot Velvet Chefs? Is it worth it? Clubs, Conferences, and Resources An up-to-date directory of swing clubs can be found on the NASCA web site at www.nasca.com. If there isn't a NASCA-affiliated club in your area, then you'll probably want to search for independent clubs. More information on the annual Lifestyles Convention is available at www.lifestyles.org. Information on a brand new organization, the "Trade association for Lifestyle Organizations," is available at www.theila.org. In contrast to NASCA, which at this point in time largely focuses on producing their annual swing club directories, TAFLO intends to engage in media outreach, coordinate pro-lifestyle political activism, and offer support and services to swing club owners. If you're interested in swinging and want to learn more, then you should read Gould's The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers as well as Easton and Liszt's The Ethical Salsa, and finish by watching the documentary The Lifestyle: Swinging in America. The ACLU came to the aid of the Lifestyles Organization during their 1996-1997 struggle, and can be considered an ally on many swing community issues; more information on joining the ACLU is available at www.aclu.org. Bibliography
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